Share a Joke Thread
- Thread starter santhosh
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ajay124
Well-Known Member
A foodie's joke on the ''multi cuisine'' served in Indian 5 star and 'speciality' restaurant's.
The Chinese premier on a state visit to India is served with the best Chinese cuisine,that the master chef's of India can cook up.
No expenses or efforts are spared to provide the V.I.P. guest the best 'chinese' food experience that India can dish out.
Just before entering his aircraft,heading back for China,he turn's around and compliments the host's
I like your Indian food.It's very good.
Any food-io-philes on the forum?
The Chinese premier on a state visit to India is served with the best Chinese cuisine,that the master chef's of India can cook up.
No expenses or efforts are spared to provide the V.I.P. guest the best 'chinese' food experience that India can dish out.
Just before entering his aircraft,heading back for China,he turn's around and compliments the host's
I like your Indian food.It's very good.
Any food-io-philes on the forum?
:lol:. Agree, the Chinese food we get here is very Indian-ised.
Oh yes plenty of us, an entire thread:licklips: lost somewhere.....in the av-lounge. Bring it back to life. Bon Apetite!!
http://www.hifivision.com/av-lounge/9073-foodvision-com.html
@Mods: Please move to the General Lounge.
Santhol and others who are looking for a clarification.
The old joker's thread was removed as it had, in a short time, moved to profanity and the regular use of unparliamentary words. Please remember, irrespective of the forum or thread, the use of foul language and words is not allowed. The reason the whole thread was removed was that literally every posting in that thread was breaking the rules.
Jokes are more than welcome as long as the rules about language is followed.
To start off, here is a small contribution from me using my favourite topic - MS.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Cheers
The old joker's thread was removed as it had, in a short time, moved to profanity and the regular use of unparliamentary words. Please remember, irrespective of the forum or thread, the use of foul language and words is not allowed. The reason the whole thread was removed was that literally every posting in that thread was breaking the rules.
Jokes are more than welcome as long as the rules about language is followed.
To start off, here is a small contribution from me using my favourite topic - MS.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Cheers
ajay124
Well-Known Member
An old joke from my school day's.An example of the kind of humour we used to find hilarious then.
Big chief was suffering from a powerful case of constipation.Medicine men came from far and wide to provide a laxative.Nothing worked.Everyday the big chief's squaw came out of the royal tent and announced mournfully
Big Chief No Shit
Until one day a laxative not only worked,but worked brilliantly,and the squaw came out and announced mournfully
Big shit No chief.
(I hope an occasional scatological reference does not transgress the boundaries of appropriate language)
Big chief was suffering from a powerful case of constipation.Medicine men came from far and wide to provide a laxative.Nothing worked.Everyday the big chief's squaw came out of the royal tent and announced mournfully
Big Chief No Shit
Until one day a laxative not only worked,but worked brilliantly,and the squaw came out and announced mournfully
Big shit No chief.
(I hope an occasional scatological reference does not transgress the boundaries of appropriate language)
A bus full of politicians crashed into a tree in an old farmer's
field.
The old farmer ran over, investigated and dug a hole to bury all the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came to inquire.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________on the subject of risque jokes getting banned...i have to admit that linguistic taboos are absurd..it's violence and inequality that are obscene not sex and excretion....of course if that was the yardstick of decency then the gag i have just posted above should have been taken off as well.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFmRypAYz_E
field.
The old farmer ran over, investigated and dug a hole to bury all the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came to inquire.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________on the subject of risque jokes getting banned...i have to admit that linguistic taboos are absurd..it's violence and inequality that are obscene not sex and excretion....of course if that was the yardstick of decency then the gag i have just posted above should have been taken off as well.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFmRypAYz_E
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@ moktan ~ Good one
On Politics and Politicians...
On Politics and Politicians...
Don't know that. But the "Dude" is Congress MLC Jyoti Devithe. :lol:
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Gentlemen, let me warn you again and remind you of the rules of HFV. If you want to talk (even indirectly) about things related to sex, there are umpteen forums where you can become members and participate to your heart's content. The basic objective of HFV is audio/video. Though we do laugh at a good joke, we do not appreciate such gross language and topics related to sex.
I fail to understand why after repeated warnings, you have to keep coming back to using foul language and talk about a topic that is not allowed here. Please desist or I will be forced to delete this thread also.
I also do not want any comments on my warning, sarcastic or otherwise.
Cheers
I fail to understand why after repeated warnings, you have to keep coming back to using foul language and talk about a topic that is not allowed here. Please desist or I will be forced to delete this thread also.
I also do not want any comments on my warning, sarcastic or otherwise.
Cheers
like i said (seriously) -
on a forum where profanity is not tolerated - a thread catering to jokes should not be allowed-
for sure - a thread for jokes will (inevitably) be smitten down - because the majority of the population (excluding depressives and those similarly afflicted) will (invariably) veer towards the profane (given the least opportunity).
cannot escape that -
that is human nature -
moderators would do well to place a blanket ban on joke threads on hifivision-
in fact - this is a technical forum (even scientific) - and perhaps all discussion should be limited strictly to topics which have serious content within the ambit of high fidelity audio and video.
and (by extension) is it not the allowance of the GENERAL LOUNGE (allowing discussion of non-audio, non-video topics) causing all the conflict between the MEMBERS and the MODERATORS? - surely, there are many and diverse fora where the main topic would be fine wine and women ?
well, then, disallow the general lounge and strictly allow only discussion about audio and video (e.g., http://www.hifivision.com/televisio...con-19-inch-lcd-futurebazaar-very-urgent.html)
allowing members to populate 'GENERAL LOUNGE' is asking for trouble -?
there is, of course, virtue in moderation, but it is healthy also to have moderation in virtue (especially in dealings with young adults - and i have reason to believe that the majority of persons on this forum are in their early twenties or thirties)
on a forum where profanity is not tolerated - a thread catering to jokes should not be allowed-
for sure - a thread for jokes will (inevitably) be smitten down - because the majority of the population (excluding depressives and those similarly afflicted) will (invariably) veer towards the profane (given the least opportunity).
cannot escape that -
that is human nature -
moderators would do well to place a blanket ban on joke threads on hifivision-
in fact - this is a technical forum (even scientific) - and perhaps all discussion should be limited strictly to topics which have serious content within the ambit of high fidelity audio and video.
and (by extension) is it not the allowance of the GENERAL LOUNGE (allowing discussion of non-audio, non-video topics) causing all the conflict between the MEMBERS and the MODERATORS? - surely, there are many and diverse fora where the main topic would be fine wine and women ?
well, then, disallow the general lounge and strictly allow only discussion about audio and video (e.g., http://www.hifivision.com/televisio...con-19-inch-lcd-futurebazaar-very-urgent.html)
allowing members to populate 'GENERAL LOUNGE' is asking for trouble -?
there is, of course, virtue in moderation, but it is healthy also to have moderation in virtue (especially in dealings with young adults - and i have reason to believe that the majority of persons on this forum are in their early twenties or thirties)
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you might not want comments -
but there will be comments -
given that this is an open (democratic?) forum
Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95.
#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid collision.
#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
#1. This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, We are a large warship of the US navy. Divert your course now!
#2. This is a lighthouse. Your call.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A pilot is flying a small single engine plane with a lot of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 10m, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.
At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: Hi, where am I?"
The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane." The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers asked the pilot how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office, and from there, the airport is just 5 miles away on a bearing of 87 degrees!"
#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid collision.
#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
#1. This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, We are a large warship of the US navy. Divert your course now!
#2. This is a lighthouse. Your call.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A pilot is flying a small single engine plane with a lot of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 10m, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.
At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: Hi, where am I?"
The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane." The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers asked the pilot how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office, and from there, the airport is just 5 miles away on a bearing of 87 degrees!"
square_wave
Well-Known Member
What exactly is wrong with sex ? 
What exactly is wrong with sex ?
oops! -
you want to know what is wrong with that forbidden, dirty, lamentable and loss-of-honor thing?
here -
what is wrong with sex in india?
http://thomashawk.com/2009/06/micro...ld-be-allowed-to-search-for-the-term-sex.html
i am proud to be of indian soil - but to associate myself with the (regrettable) baggage (garbage?) of some of my brethren is a matter of regret-
it is time, perhaps, that we become global citizens - secure in our place in the world - without excuses for our 'raison de etre'.
why are the americans successful in this world? - because they live in the present moment -
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY -
FREE SPEECH IS TOLERATED-
let me put this another way-
if, tomorrow, a mad man walks across my way - and says that -" Krishna is an idiot"-
i will not confront him - i will let him walk-
secure that my belief in my god is what i want -
so -
why this insecurity?
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Square_wave, please read the rules again.
As I said before, there are forums where you can say what you want and use whatever words you want. Just don't do it here at HFV.
Frankly this is getting to be repititive and boring, and I am tempted to remove the Jokes thread completely. I will watch for a few days, add some jokes myself, see if other members also do so. If I don't see any activity, I will delete the thread.
Cheers
As I said before, there are forums where you can say what you want and use whatever words you want. Just don't do it here at HFV.
Frankly this is getting to be repititive and boring, and I am tempted to remove the Jokes thread completely. I will watch for a few days, add some jokes myself, see if other members also do so. If I don't see any activity, I will delete the thread.
Cheers
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Dear Venkat (Venkat the moderator, not Venkat the contributing member),
I fully understand how difficult a role as a moderator can be and I appreciate your effort and contributions.
Just my two cents. No offence or sarcasm intended. As a member, I felt I should voice my thoughts rather than bottle them and feel uncomfortable about.
I fully understand how difficult a role as a moderator can be and I appreciate your effort and contributions.
Why would you want to do that? Going by your "I am tempted to remove the jokes thread completely". Makes me wonder what makes one so trigger-happy? Clearly deleting a thread is no solution although it is the easiest to do. Like I have urged before, deleting an entire thread is like throwing a whole basket of apples just because one or two are sour - thereby wasting the efforts of so many contributors.
Just my two cents. No offence or sarcasm intended. As a member, I felt I should voice my thoughts rather than bottle them and feel uncomfortable about.
On the topic at hand, I am of the opinion that an occasional sex joke is harmless. I have decided not to post any jokes(any kind) until the situation/rules relaxes. It is just not worth a member's effort to return to a thread to find that their post is deleted along with two other bad posts.
Just trying to understand....Pray tell, what was sexually offensive in my post that was deleted - a video where Osho Rajaneesh jokingly illustrates the various usages of the world's most widely used four letter word - the "F" word. I found this to be hilarious and also true. I first heard this joke many years ago and till today everyone with whom I have shared/played this video have had a good laugh - most were ROTFL. I am shocked that this joke has been called a sex joke. It is a also an irony in that the video itself talks about "F" word is pre-dominantly being used in a non-sexual context.
Just trying to understand....Pray tell, what was sexually offensive in my post that was deleted - a video where Osho Rajaneesh jokingly illustrates the various usages of the world's most widely used four letter word - the "F" word. I found this to be hilarious and also true. I first heard this joke many years ago and till today everyone with whom I have shared/played this video have had a good laugh - most were ROTFL. I am shocked that this joke has been called a sex joke. It is a also an irony in that the video itself talks about "F" word is pre-dominantly being used in a non-sexual context.
square_wave
Well-Known Member
Good one. When will we grow up ?
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