Share a Joke Thread

Square_wave, please read the rules again.

As I said before, there are forums where you can say what you want and use whatever words you want. Just don't do it here at HFV.

Frankly this is getting to be repititive and boring, and I am tempted to remove the Jokes thread completely. I will watch for a few days, add some jokes myself, see if other members also do so. If I don't see any activity, I will delete the thread.

Cheers

Okay I was able to find the following:

-You may not link, in any manner, to sites or images containing pornography, sexually explicit, gross violence, or are determined by moderators to be detrimental to the community.
-Foul language and use of abusive words/photographs in posts/avatars/signatures/topics are STRICTLY prohibited. Even indirect use of abusive language (e.g. B****) will attract moderator action.


Question:

1.How is the funny side of sex (which is a normal and pleasurable activity) be considered sexually explicit? Or even detrimental to the community?

2.How can it be considered alongside gross violence ?

3.Is the photograph of the vulgar lady brandishing a flower pot over her head in the earlier page okay ? Not vulgar ?
 
1.How is the funny side of sex (which is a normal and pleasurable activity) be considered sexually explicit? Or even detrimental to the community? 2.How can it be considered alongside gross violence ? 3.Is the photograph of the vulgar lady brandishing a flower pot over her head in the earlier page okay ? Not vulgar ?

You cannot deliver a sexually oriented joke unless you use words that are explicit. If you read some of the jokes that were written in a previous thread, this is what had happened. Now whether it is detrimental to the society or not is not the question. We are only talking about what is happening inside HFV. At HFV we have restricted ourselves to discussing AV related stuff, and we want to keep our focus. We do not want people to fight with each other and use foul language of any kind.

What people do outside HFV or in other forums in not our concern. As I said before you can join other forums and use whatever language you want that is allowed by the forum.

I have been beating my head repeatedly asking members to be nice and civil to women members. I have seen threads where new women members have literally been driven out of the forum with foul language, innuendos, and male chauvinism. How will you like it if you joined a forum and someone made a post questioning whether you can confirm you are a male?

Whether it is done in humour or not, we do not appreciate any adverse comments on members. The main requirement at HFV is that you are civil as a member, and maintain a very decent language. If you do not agree to what a member is saying, that is your prerogative. All you have to do is say, 'we agree to disagree'.

Cheers
 
I have been beating my head repeatedly asking members to be nice and civil to women members. I have seen threads where new women members have literally been driven out of the forum with foul language, innuendos, and male chauvinism. How will you like it if you joined a forum and someone made a post questioning whether you can confirm you are a male?
Not related to this thread.....I was not aware of this as I rarely visit the Introductions section. This is definitely wrong, in bad taste and should not be tolerated.
 
well... in unison with venkat i d liketo add that this av forum attracts attention by all audiophiles. i d refrain from guiding my son/daughter to this forum if i know such explicit stuff is also available here.
the thumb rule.. post what u can openly speak out on stage ina full auditorium.. if u can speak it aloud,... post. and i completely support venkat's stand on this matter. there are many sites for that other stuff... i dont want hfv to lose its ground on such ungainly threads.
here is a hardcore sexual joke ... with no foul language. :
during the free period of a 6th standard class, a primary teacher was assigned to maintain order. with not much to teach to students anyway, this convent educated lady decided to play up a bit.... jokes, riddles, trick questions etc etc...
so she asks, "kids.. heres the question: there are 20 birds sitting on a tree... a huntsman cameand shot his gun , killing one bird. how many of the birds remain??" little john jumps up and says none. all the rest would fly away hearing the shot.
not the one to be outwitted by the kid, the lady replied... " listen john... the correct answer is 19 birds. however , u have a strong impressive imagination."
now i tell u fellow members.. we all tend to underestimate todays young. same was with this pretty lady too. heres what came next....: seeing her act smart.. john suggested he ask her a question now.... the lady teacher agreed.
john:"on a park bench.. there are 3 women .. sitting .. having icecream.
first one has a cone and she bites the cream as well as the waffle.
second one has a lollii and she s licking it from all sides as it melts.
third woman is having a chocobar and she s licking the cream oozing off the cracks in the chocolate layer. now madam u have to tell us.. which one of the the three is married???"
flustered but still wanting to b in the game & not to look foolish, the lady blushingly said.. it seems to b the third woman.
guess what little john had to say??
"madam, the correct answer is the one wearing a wedding ring. however , u have a strong impressive imagination."
of course this joke is on some other sites too. and if its deleted from here... not much dent happens to av stuffs discussed here.
 
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Is the photograph of the vulgar lady brandishing a flower pot over her head in the earlier page okay ? Not vulgar ?
I have no problem with moderators if they delete that post (since I can't do it) if any fellow member finds it inappropriate.
Was only trying to show how our politicians are.
Regards
 
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I have no problem with moderators if they delete that post (since I can't do it) if any fellow member finds it inappropriate.
Was only trying to show how our politicians are.
Regards

Do not worry hitensitapara -

that was a good joke = anyone who sees that will laugh - and square_wave was trying to equalise!

here is another extremely funny joke that will appeal to the gentlemen that populate this forum -

Ques.1 - In a pond there are 10 fish, one of them dies, and the water level of the pond increases. How?
Ans.1 - The other 9 fish are crying...
 
and while i post this joke - i am crying tears of joy !

enjoy -

An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.
.................................................
.Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.

When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'
They replied "Because he kept saying,
'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'
 
and this really too good-

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

A: Nothing, you can't cross a scalar with a vector!
 
i swear to god that i will keep this thread alive -

it should not die!

there should be some activity - otherwise the thread will be deleted -

here is another delectable tidbit-


SHIPWRECKED


The hurricane came unexpectedly.
The ship went down and was lost. The man found
himself swept up on the shore of an island with no
other people, no supplies, nothing to do.
Only bananas and coconuts.

So for the next four months he ate bananas,
drank coconut juice and longed for his old life.
He fixed his gaze on the sea,
hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach,
he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye.
It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman
he had ever seen. She rowed up to him.

In disbelief, he asked her:
"Where did you come from?
How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said.
"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone
else survived. How many are there?
You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Its only me," she said, " and the rowboat
didn't wash up; nothing did." He was confused.
"Then how did you get the rowboat?"

"Oh, simple," replied the woman.
"I made the rowboat out of materials
that I found on the island.
The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches.
I wove the bottom from palm branches
and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man.
"You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman.
"On the other side of the island there is a very unusual
rock formation exposed. I found that if I fired
it to a certain temperature in my kiln,
it melted into iron. I used that for tools,
and used the tools to make the hardware."

"But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"
Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been
sleeping on the beach the whole time.
"Well, let's row over to my place, then." she said.

After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat
at a small wharf. As the man looked to the shore,
he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk
leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman tied up the rowboat
with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walked into the house,
she said casually,
"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please;
would you like a drink?" "No, no thank you," he said,
still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied.
"I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted,
and they sat down on her couch to talk.

After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced,
"I'm going to slip into something comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave?
There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything,
the man went into the bathroom.
There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle.
Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened
onto it's end.
"This woman is amazing," he thought. "What next?"

When he returned, she greeted him
wearing nothing but vines
and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she began, suggestively,
slithering closer to him,
"we've been out here for a very long time.
You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,
something you've been longing for all these months.
You know..." She stared into his eyes.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"You mean--?" he replied,
"I can check my e-mail from here?"

this is SUCH A GOOD JOKE !:yahoo:

should appeal to all the celibates (under duress) on our forum!
 
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the joys of the English Language, culled from real council letters..
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3.It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
4.I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7.I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8.My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9.I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10.Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11.I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
13.I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15.Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17.I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18.The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
20.I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
 
another hardcore joke with no explicit vulgarity..and the musical allusions should be especially appealing to audiophiles...

A musician couple married for a couple of years start having frequent rifts. The husband suspects the wife of having an affair and says "Honey, I think I'm playing second fiddle". The wife retorts, "With a flute like yours, you are lucky to be in the BAND."
 
Heard about the dyslexic atheist insomniac?
He was up the whole night wondering if there is a dog.

When my father found out that i had sadomasochistic tendencies he tried to beat it out of me.
 
the point really is..to what do we ascribe the vulgarity?

yeah moktan,

it is the self that sees and creates vulgarity and profanity -

there is nothing profane or base about our world and our actions - IT JUST IS-

it is the reader's (observer's) mind that creates the profanity and the vulgarity and the baseness.-

another joke -

Person #1: Ask me if I'm an apple.
Person #2: Are you an apple?
Person #1: No.
 
Shocking

Hello Moktan & Suri,

I think it is not right what you'll are writing in spite of the moderator requesting not to do so.

While Moktan, had one post late last night, which was the worst, it had writing of lick the ass, fat ass, sore ass, and a lot more worst was written on ass, further the most shocking part was that in-directly it was naming somone on this ass factor, who would that be, is anybody's guess, this post is now no more there, i think it should have not been deleted, everyone should see it, therefore it will be nothing like it if the post is restored for 2 days or so.

However there are times when one is not in good frame of mind and will write things and regret later, if the regret is there now, then sure we can move on by saying sorry etc.

To my horror, there is as good as no forum member who is supporting the moderator on this event keeping in mind for what all he has done for the forum members in form of help on gadgets etc. I have had differences with the moderator many a times, but i have not gone to such a extent, and now when i feel they are right, i will stand up and support them with this writing.

V.
 
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Thank you Vinay. These are samples of the millions of jokes available that are decent. I am sure there are much better jokes.

Cheers
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three boys were bragging about their fathers. The first one said, "My father runs so fast he can fire an arrow, start running, and get there before the arrow!"

The second one said, "That's nothing! My father can shoot a gun, start running, and get there before the bullet!"

The third boy just smiled. "That's nothing. My father is a Government servant. He gets off work at 5 and is home before 4!"

----------------------------------------------------------------
A mobile snatcher was on trial and the defendant was stating what had taken place.

"Yes, that's him," she said. "I saw him clear as day. I would remember his face anywhere!"

At that point, the defendant yelled out"You didn't even see my face, lady. I was wearing a mask!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was driving. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Fearing being caught speeding, he turned around and going at snails speed, he passed it.Again it flashed.He thought it must have a fault and went home. Next day he received 2 traffic fines for not wearing a seatbelt!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, went out to her mailbox, opened it, and returned to her home empty handed.

About five minutes later, he saw the woman again. She checked the mailbox and once again, returned to her house empty handed.

She did this two more times before the man decided to ask her about it. "Why do you keep coming out to your mailbox every five minutes?" the man asked.

"Because," replied the woman, "my computer keeps telling me that I've got mail!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
 
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pc.jpg
 
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Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
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Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
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