I don't disagree with this at all.
Where I do disagree is that you cannot make a big sub work in a small room because it will overwhelm the room. All else being equal (for simplicity sake, consider two subs from the same manufacturer which have identical characteristics other than driver size, same position in the room and average levels having been calibrated across the same frequencies), the bigger sub will put out the the same amount of acoustical energy in the room as the smaller sub as long as the measured SPL from both is the same. And, it is this acoustical energy and how it decays in the room that defines boominess (or lack thereof).
If you calibrate your system so that they're at the same average level, no it won't. Your perception of that however, as you say, may well be "night and day". And I expect that the perceptual difference will be down to the extra headroom now available.
Yes Liverpool, thats what I meant, agree with you. Bigger driver with more power would be overwhelming for a small room. Fully agree with your explanation. I feel the XTZ 12 should work for the OP since his HT area opens to another room.