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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."
 
The joke that I had copied and pasted from another site has been deleted and an infraction issued to me.

I won't try to post any jokes here since the community here seems quite sensitive and on the edge though I failed to see the use of inappropriate language in that joke.

My sincere apologies to anyone who was hurt (except to the present prime minister if he too had read the joke).


Addition : It seems like some forum members had objected to my joke and so the infarction. If the members can't take a joke that was on the 'respected' prime minister and not anyone personal, I wonder what's the point of this kind of jokes thread.
 
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Found it buried in a slashdot thread:

The CEOs of Budweiser, Coors, and Guinness get together for lunch.
When the waitress comes to take their drink orders, the CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud.
The CEO of Coors follows suit and orders a Coors.
The CEO of Guinness looks at the waitress and orders one Coors and one Budweiser. The other two are astonished!
They ask why he ordered two drinks, and says "Oh, I never have beer this early in the day."
 
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.


One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.




"Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.




"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
 
The joke that I had copied and pasted from another site has been deleted and an infraction issued to me.

I won't try to post any jokes here since the community here seems quite sensitive and on the edge though I failed to see the use of inappropriate language in that joke.

My sincere apologies to anyone who was hurt (except to the present prime minister if he too had read the joke).


Addition : It seems like some forum members had objected to my joke and so the infarction. If the members can't take a joke that was on the 'respected' prime minister and not anyone personal, I wonder what's the point of this kind of jokes thread.

+1 to Shivam !!

Very unfortunate that it occurred on a public forum like this (your post getting deleted) !!

And please...don't apologize at all !
At least to those who can't just digest a joke !!
There was no use of any sort of foul language and it was just a joke.

I pity to all those who objected such humorous attempt on our 'Respected? ' PM in current scenario !!
 
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Resistance is futile!

An "OHM"age
 
An Indian Secret to a 50 year long marriage!

At The Swami Narayan Temple in Neasden London, they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Popatbhai, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Popatbhai replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Bombay, India for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, Popat bhai, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?

Popatbhai proudly replied, Im going back to Bombay to pick her up."
 
Something from the 80s:

Why is Bombay Dying?
Because of Gwalior Shootings.
Who saw the killings?
Only Vimal.
 
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The Pakistani Immigration Officer to the Afghan man who had just landed in Lahore: "Isn't it strange that you are the Minister of Ports whereas Afghanistan has no sea to speak of?"

Afghan man: "Brother, I can understand your predicament. In your country you have a Law Minister but no law."
 
Girl: Which Is More Important To You?

Your Life Or Me?

Boy: Before I Answer That, Let Me Ask You Something.
.
Girl: Sure, What?
..
..
..
..
..
..

Boy: You Copied This Question From Facebook ??
 
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Jones, asked her class, "What human body
part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"


No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be
asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and
they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Jones ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is
she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Jones said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As
for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
 
TETANUS SHOT
An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, Where are you going?' He replies, 'I'm going to the doctor.' She says, 'Why, are you sick?' He says, 'Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff.' Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat. He says, 'Where the heck are you going'? She answers, 'I'm going to the doctor, too.' He says, 'Why, what do you need?' She says, 'If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot.'
 
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A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
 
WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
 
This morning while driving, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac, doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror, putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

Now, as a man, I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned my legs, ruined the damn phone, soaked my pants, and disconnected an important call.

Damn women drivers.
 
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